“You will kill me today! Is this how your mates are showing how manly they are! Real men don’t beat or maltreat a lady. Surely every hand you raise against me is a proof of your immaturity and ….” That has become my repetitive answer and campaign for a while now. It has done nothing to assuage the situation.
That is a picture of what transpires in our home ever since my once loving husband lost his well-paying job due to Hurricane Sanusi’s incursion into the banking industry.
I had Initially excused his behavioural change to the sudden job loss. It soon became a wrong position as the intensity of the abuse got more pronounced. I got battered and looked down on constantly by this once sweet man who adored my every step. Who saw my every movement as a picture of grace and love. Those moments are far gone, I could have sworn it happened a thousand years ago.
The abuse started with little vicious slaps, even in the presence of our kids. It graduated into full blown wrestling in no time and it’s always a one-sided WWF match-up. I get pummeled beyond any sense of decency, battered beyond imagination; psychologically tortured, emotionally stressed and strained beyond normal comprehension. I have stayed with love, still.
Sometimes, he locks me up and drive to the nearby bar to relax. It makes no sense but he gets stronger and madder whenever he shows up after that. It has since become his tonic / MO and after each round he caps it with brutal one-sided sex.
He leads me, after being extremely hurt and weak from his batters, to the couch or bed – whichever is close to enjoy “his wife”. It became his aphrodisiac. He gets off on beating me and raping afterwards. There was no one I could tell. I sit up and wish for death atimes but the thoughts of my kids spurs me to fight on – that change might come hopefully.
To be beaten and wrestled with is one thing, but getting raped and continuously defiled was another. He now saw sex as what you get after physically exhausting your partner to the point of submission. He loves the whimpering that comes from the beating when having sex. I didn’t know what to do. I kept thinking of the marriage. The kids. The house. The thoughts of people. I didn’t want to add to the humiliation. I became a defeated soul. I still am…….
Should I say enough is enough? Should I tarry a little more to see if change will come? Should I stay in it for my kids? Should I damn what people would say? Should I just go on living with my closet batterer and rapist? Should I……..
Questions! Questions!! Questions!!! And I honestly see no answer in sight.
To be continued
You can reach Isaacola AA on twitter @newnaija and @TT007newnaija
Many thanks to @deboadejugbe for his many contributions