THE DIARY OF “THE ABUSED” V
Someone please tell me what to do! Am I to be blamed? I think not entirely. After all, I told him I’m not ready to fall in love because of the consequences. Hmm, where should I start my story from…..I think I should begin from the onset of everything!
My ordeal started some few years back when I was almost raped by my older cousin, who was then staying with us for the holiday period, some ten years ago. I was just fourteen but looked every bit a matured sixteen years old. I noticed my cousin is almost always interested in me, asking me about my boyfriend and my female friends which I mistook for healthy family interest.
The impossible almost happened when we were left alone a day when my older brothers and parents had to go out on emergency. I was left with my cousin to attend to a family friend we were expecting. No sooner had they left in my Daddy’s Prado Jeep that my cousin pounced on me from the back. In split seconds, all my clothes were flying in the air and before I could even ask him what happened, my boxers short and pants were ragged. I tried all I could but he was too strong for me and all I was to do was to allow him, having slapped the senses out of me.
He tried all he could for the better part of an hour but he couldn’t get an entry point. All my plea and crying did not deter him as he laboured to gain a forced entrance. Alas I was saved by a biological happenstance. After everything, he stood up with an erect and bloodied manhood and warned me never to tell anybody, even after abusing me as a “He female”. Initially I didn’t know what that meant until much later when I grew older. This ordeal opened me up to another level in the sex world, my fantasy cries out for bloodied and painful sex with enjoyment a byword.
Fast forward to my University days, trying to strengthen myself against the phobia I have for every man, I fell in love with a boy and we ended up on his bed one night after few early dates. I tried to put my fears of the years past behind me, eager to please and draw out the pleasure of this easy going young man that was the dream of every young girl in school. He began with foreplay and we soon got to the main door only for him to try all he could for almost three hours and nothing, I mean nothing. He was denied entrance even though I gave my consent.
That was the last time I ever attempted sex except in my fantasy world of dreamland.
How do I explain all this to my husband that I am still technically a virgin after almost thirty years and that I have an acute fear of anything called sex because it’s always the same outcome: NO ENTRANCE.
I finally agreed to my husband’s prodding after eleven months of marriage without sexual contact to see a professional. The verdict of the professional is that I have extreme case of VAGINISMUS not ” thick hymen” as I have always believed.
She enumerated the symptoms for me and I cannot but agree with her totally as they apply to my case namely :
Burning or stinging with tightness during sex.
Difficult or impossible penetration, entry pain, uncomfortable insertion of penis.
Ongoing sexual pain of unknown origin, with no apparent cause.
Difficulty inserting tampons or undergoing pelvic or gynecological exams.
Avoidance of sex due to pain and or failure.
You can get more information on http://www.vaginismus.com
After correct diagnosis, my husband agreed to join me in the treatment regime because it is treatable with almost hundred percent successes.
That is the story of my life and thanks to a very understanding husband, normalcy have gradually returned to my marriage and sexual life.
Seek help if you suffer from one or more problem, natural or artificial. You owe it to yourself and those who love you to be the best version of you.
You can reach Isaacola AA on twitter @newnaija and @TT007newnaija