Hilarious but true III by Isaacola AA

For you to maintain your sanity with all these debilitating situations, you need to continually laugh either at yourself or at others.

Yours truly don start again o! Please laff to keep from crying.

There used to be a beggar on our street in Ilorin, somewhere between ’95 to ’96. He would just sit down with a downcast face, tattered clothes on, without uttering a word. He would sit at a T-junction collecting alms. Naturally, Ilorin has a collection of beggars but this particular one really got to me because he uttered no word and maintained his dour countenance.

Yours truly went to Union bank to deposit my small change (don’t mind me, that was my first bank and first deposit) when lo and behold, the beggar was at the same bank depositing over a thousand naira! There and then, I made up my mind never to give alms again. What surprised me most was that the money brought by the beggar was ragtag and dirty which prompted the cashier to ask him what kind of business he did? The man replied that he was a BUSINESS MAN! Wow! “Business man” indeed. I couldn’t hold myself as I bust into uncontrollable laughter inside the banking hall.

In my university days – oh my gosh, eating a sister’s food sometimes can be the only source of a balanced diet. Did I see some guys wink? Nbanu, I cook but to get a touch of home, you really need to visit the “sisthren”. On this faithful day, I was called to come for a visit and I even had to choose the kind of food I wanted to eat. Yawa con gas! As I was still day dreaming on how to attack the home-made delicacy, I saw a gathering in front of the campus room of my lady. A soldier ants attacked her house and to crown the whole mess, her deliciously full pot of delicacy was filled to the brim with big headed, monster-like, giant-looking ants. All my anticipation and salivating died instantly!

The last but not the least, yours truly is an okada person. You must have guessed so anyway. I boarded an okada from Agege en route Oshodi. Somewhere along the road, the okada man I discovered, couldn’t speak English and he started saying something which I assumed meant I should drop. Unbelieveable! I took the okada because I was already running late and here I am in Ikeja-along and the Nigerien okada man is shouting to me in a language I can barely navigate in. When he saw that I was protesting I was not yet at my destination, he switched over to terrible English – hear him;

“I dey craze? I dey mad? I don carry you I don’t want to pay? I go kill all of us…” Without much ado, I had to pay him sharply before a scene I couldn’t handle occurred. Oh boi, that was the last time I ever boarded the okada of a foreigner, a Nigerien okada man.

You can reach Isaacola AA on Twitter@newnaija and TT007newnaija

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