Oh, let me say this and leave the churches alone. Yours truly is a church person; that’s no news considering my previous articles. Some time two years ago, I was in my church (don’t ask me the name) and a young woman sat in front of me, almost opposite the air conditioner working at its fullest. The young woman blew it in a big way as she began to snore, slowly at first until she shifted to a higher gear and the decibel of the sound emanating from her throat gradually picked up.
I was shamefully ashamed. No one to bell the cat and wake the beautiful woman. Oh la la! The service finally came to an end and she was still digging it out in “sleepology”. I summoned courage to tap her and immediately, she stood up and walked on majestically as if nothing happened. Hiohiohiooooooo! Couldn’t hold back my laughter.
The other day, I was rushing to Apapa as usual very early in the morning. A lady preacher held all of us spell bound with her mesmerizing message of hell. I was miffed because I always plan to sleep in the bus to compensate for waking up 4am in the morning (never mind the fact that I have slept off on many occasions that I have had to either trek back or take another bus back because I had exceeded my bus stop). It was not to be so that day as all my sins, real or imagined were mentioned by this fiery preacher lady. Sins ranging from females wearing trousers to lipstick, fornication and adultery were not left out also. She shouted ferociously how such sinners would go to hell unless they repented. On getting to Coconut bus stop, we were delivered as she finally alighted from the bus. Shortly after she alighted, the bus conductor started arguing with a passenger about the amount due to him and when it seemed the passenger was not forth coming, the conductor shouted, “Pay my money or you will perish in hell!” He said this mimicking the lady preacher’s voice and everyone on the bus roared in uncontrollable laughter. Apparently, every body in the bus was looking for opportunity to vent the pent up laughter.
Finally, yours truly went to a University Teaching Hospital in Ilorin to visit a convalescing family member. A man was wheeled from one of the wards and as he stood up, part of the hospital scrub he was wearing opened and his buttock was exposed. With the rapidity of an eagle, he quickly covered himself up. One of the patients did not find the cover-up funny at all as he hissed contemptuously and remarked loudly to as many as were interested that he had been lying down exposed starkly for the better part of three days. Why the suddenly concern about his exposed buttocks when his privates have been in public view for so long. Even though yours truly found it inappropriate to laugh, it was just too difficult not to laugh out loud.
I’m @newnaija and @TT007newnaija on twitter