Hilarious but true VIII by Isaacola AA

Yours truly is thinking of rounding off Hilarious But True (HBT) series to start another next month but I just have to share this in the mood of the season.

You must have guessed by now that yours truly grew up mostly in Ilorin. Um…I just can’t stop abi? Walahi, I saw a woman in Surulere area calling for a taxi. As some of you know, in Ilorin the transport system is totally different from here in Lagos. We actually have more taxis and buses more than passengers and you can just stand by the road side and a dozen taxis will slow down to ask where you are heading to.

This woman was actually calling for “Taiwo meji” which means for two passengers heading to Taiwo. It was rather unusual because it was just her so I decided to pay attention. It was then I discovered that the woman calling out for two passengers was just a heavily endowed madam as the lone passenger! Most taxi drivers slowed down but zoomed off on seeing the heavy passenger in quote! Please don’t laugh.

Secondly, God will save me in these Lagos buses with these plump and heavily backsided women occupying more than their fair share of space in all these rickety buses! Some of you can identify with my plight because you must have experienced it at one time or the other. Because of the terrible nature of Lagos traffic, I use my car mostly on weekends and public holidays. My grouse with the public transportation system is that, we on the slim side hardly get our fair share because most of the heavy-set women and some over-sized men squeeze the life out of us in transit. The amazing part is that, they still ask with all boldness that we shift! Wonders of Lagos… I refuse to laugh!

Finally, I was coming back from Ikorodu in Lagos some six years ago. On getting to the bus stop, I boarded an Ikotun bus but the annoying thing was this particular passenger dressed in a preacher’s garb (you know what I mean) would not allow passengers board properly with the well rehearsed line of “No vacancy here” in a bass and well modulated voice. There and then I pegged him as a preacher. After much argument, one slim person was able to squeeze himself in. As fate would have it, as we began the journey, the preacher rose up to begin his sermon in his well oiled voice with “Praise the Lord!” Absurd!

I shut my ear and heart off immediately! Wickedness and preaching don’t co-mingle at all! As if on cue, some of us just burst into uncontrollable laughter and the preacher could not hold his anger.

I’m @newnaija on twitter

Watch out for “face me, I face stories” or better still “face me, I slap you”

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