Bus Tales 4 here
The annual leave I so craved finally came. Things were however not as smooth as I expected them to be – cash flow was reduced, boredom was setting in and I was not actually on leave as I was dipping my hands into many pies. The only thing that was different was that my day did not start early. I was on leave, yes, but I was not giving myself the desired rest. Asake however came to the rescue and suggested that we go out of town for few days. She in fact worked towards it by getting a three-day casual leave.
Our host, my childhood friend was excited we would be visiting and I was equally excited to be travelling out of town without bothering for once that my oga would start screaming his head off that something was wrong in the office. Asake was giddy, she got me nailed on this and we would finally have the ‘we time’ she had always complained was missing in the past two years. Our greatest undoing however was deciding to go by public transport as I decided I would not drive the distance because I wanted to feel rugged, as I used to be.
We wanted a smooth journey to Akure, a side by side seat, preferably at the back of the Sienna we were to board. That was the first disappointment as one of the two back seats was occupied by a lady, someone I presumed to be a female student. With my long legs, it was more comfortable to sit there. Asake frowned but we were not ready to wait for the next vehicle so I sat with the lady while she sat between a young man and an elderly woman. That guy had a sly aura about him, grinning as my prized Asake sat beside him.
The droning noise at the park was something in itself. Different people and their wares, beggars of all sorts and the agberos all contributed their own share to the disturbing noise. After waiting for the driver and the agberos to sort themselves, we moved.
Before we were twenty minutes into the journey, sleep romances me and I was falling but then my half closed eyes saw the sly guy say something to Asake. I quickly opened my eyes and sat straight. Not right under my noses would you steal my woman, I thought. The young woman beside me smiled and started muttering few incoherent words to which I responded, trying to ask her what she was saying. She just laughed and looked away.
“Strange”, I thought. She brought out her mobile phone and started playing a song with the volume so loud. I managed for a few minutes but when my patience wore thin, I politely asked that she reduce the volume. She put off the music all together. All that while, I had an eye on my sly friend in front who was trying to converse with Asake.
Asake brought out her earpiece, plugged it in her ears and started playing music. That was when I knew what ‘sly’ was about. ‘Chyking’ my woman right in front of me? “What is always wrong with these young boys sef”, I thought to myself. “Does this fool realize that Asake is my prize, the reward for my many years of endurance?”, I continued in my reverie.
I was brought out of my Asake and ‘sly’ induced musing by the sudden shout of ‘driver stop!’ that came from none other than Miss Weirdo beside me. “I say stop. Are you deaf?”, she screamed again. All heads turned to the back, while mine turned to her. “I want to pee jor”, she said more calmly in English. The driver stopped immediately without any comment and people alighted for her to go do the needful.
I remained standing beside the vehicle with Asake while ‘sly’ sat in the car, pretending to be engrossed in reading one motivational book that looked only two leaves better than a leaflet. After about fifteen minutes and complaints from other passengers, Miss Weirdo emerged from the bush, clutching something in her hands and smiling sheepishly. By the time she got closer, we all saw that it was her underwear that she was holding.
She passed without a second glance at us and got into the vehicle. It was there and then that it dawned on me that my co-passenger was possibly mentally deranged. “How I go take cope till we reach Akure” was the first thought that came to mind. While I was contemplating on what to do, her voice called me back once again – “you don’t want to come sit with me again abi? You think I am mad and you are running from me. Stay with your wife there o. Me I kuku want to sleep before sef”.
With that she spread out and covered the seat meant for two of us while I was finally allowed to sit in the mid section. Of course I sat between ‘sly’ and Asake while praying for Weirdo not to do anything funny from the back. She slept from that spot till we got to FUTA gate where she suddenly yawned and stretched to say “Roadblock wa o”. A sigh of relief enveloped me as she alighted and walked away, leaving her panties behind…
“Won ti ko eran mon ero” meaning… Please help me interpret!
The writer is @oscarpoems on twitter and his personal blog is http://www.oscarpoems.wordpress.com.
Once again thanks to our writers and readers. Watch out for “faith series” on saturday 27th July, and Bus Tales 6 by @toyinfab on monday 29th July and tuesday 30th july will be another “wealth” series by Taiwo Marayesa. Yours truly will throw in another Bus Tales before the week runs out too.