Watch out for Bus Tales by @sagaysagay tomorrow wednesday 28th.
As per my personal principle, I will rather not eat beans or any beans related foods whenever I know I will be on the move in Lagos but alas my worst fear caught -up with me while commuting from Oshodi home one day!
I had the worst case scenario of stomach upset coupled with royal rumble resulting in indiscriminate gaseous release every other minute.
I took flagyl coupled with tetracycline to put the unusual royal rumble at bay whilst about to leave the place I went to quickly transact my business. The angry worms were persuaded and they gave me some respite. I quickly boarded the bus from Oshodi heading to Agege and hoping for a free flow of traffic so as to get home on time.
On getting to Ikeja along. The royal rumble began again in earnest with gaseous escape from my anal orifice easing the tension in my tommy occasionally. The said gases is a combination of ammonia and a worse case of rotten egg mixed with putrefying dog! As fate will have, there was heavy traffic from Ikeja along toward Agege for no just reason at that particular time that was supposed to be free.
I was feeling uneasy by the minute and the gaseous matter emanating from my backside was … Mehn I had to hold my breath, the odour was suffocating to say the least. If I had been at the receiving end, am sure I would throw a heavy tantrum to defend the sanity of my nose from the abuse!
There was this guy sitting directly behind me decking a black wrap around thick Abacha-like glass. He seem engrossed with his blackberry Z10. Every now and then, he will look up and shake his head.
Finally he spoke in a thick accented Igb-lish (apology to @gbengaosowe) “mehn make una stop this rubish nau! Una wan kill person? Nna if you try and mess their again I go kill person for this bus o””I know they person wey dey mess for this bus shoo”. He didn’t actually face me but I knew he was referring to me.
I was sweating like a Christmas goat cum Sallah ram. I couldn’t bear it again and had to drop like six bus stops to my bus stop and use my legs to save me from … !
Igb-lish is a blend of English and Igbo language.