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Bus Tales 20 here
Rushing seems to be synonymous with Lagos life. We rush to sleep, rush to wake up, rush to bathroom and out, rush our meals and rush to work early in the morning and rush back from work. In fact we rush everything plus including “rush to die” like a friend of mine will always say.
It was a public holiday for one of the Sallahs and I decided to dash sorry rush to see a friend in Ibadan without my car. The journey was uneventful and it took us a record time of three hours five minutes from Berger to Iwo road. I boarded a bus from Iwo road to Monatan where my friend live and here begins the drama.
The bus conductor has a funny way of mixing the Ibadan dialect with English. His version of English is what I will term “Yorublish” (Yoruba-English) with a concentrated “Iblish” accent (Ibadan-English). His face is marked mercilessly as if he fought a wild beast. His upper lip curled awkwardly to form a question mark every time he speak. Most of his upper teeth were as white as charcoal and his adam apple dances up and down whenever he speaks.
Every sentence seems laced with “shun” . For example,
– Nest (next) junkshun”(junction) wa o. – No shange (change).
– Temprasure (temperature) radiator yen is high again oga mi sir.
I enjoyed his stand up comedy until the old man beside me receives a call on his phone and he was practically intent on bursting my fragile eardrum with his shouting.
I wear my anger on my face with a scowl but the man will have none of it as he continues his call unperturbed. After a time, the caller I suspect was dictating a recharge card for the man as he was repeating the digit loudly while writing it down in his dog-eared diary.
The young man seating in the next row was busy on his phone too but when it got to the last digit, the old man was either having difficulty hearing or a bad network and he was shouting eh ehn ehnn when the young man replied with a drug induced voice “baba, ma lo se oshi o, pe last number yen kin to gba phone e” (old man, don’t try any rubbish there, call the last number or else I will collect your phone).
I was taken aback. Wow , so we have such people in Ibadan too. I laughed till I got the bus stop.