Episode 26 here
Without waiting for the bus to park properly I jumped in as if I was Jackie Chan doing one of his many stunts. Others, like chicks following mother hen followed suit in a rush, stepping on each other amidst serious pushing, pulling and tugging.
I checked my wrist watch like I have always come to do whenever I settle inside a vehicle. It was just 5:45 in the morning. Lagos and its many “wahala”, if it were to be another part of the country, one could still tarry a little in bed for an appointment of 8 a.m.
The journey to Airport Hotel at Ikeja from my Akute residence started. My mission there was to interview a Nigerian legislator who just defected from Peoples Democratic Party (PDP) to All Progressive Congress (APC). The MP was to fly back to Abuja by 11 a.m and had magnanimously accepted to be interviewed at 8 a.m that morning in his hotel room. He made it clear that a minute after eight, he would not entertain me.
Within two minutes into the journey, the man sitting beside me had given up to nature and went further into deep snoring mode with his mouth opened and pointed directly to my left ear singing frog melody rhyme in deep guttoral croak. To my right was a lady busy with doing her make-ups. I thought that will be all until she brought out a cologne with a nice bottle, within a flash she had bathed herself from the weave-on she was wearing on her head to other parts of her body hidden under her cheap “Aba” made suit. The cologne had this funny smell, mostly the kind that oozes from ‘Aboki’ perfume.
My stomach did a quick turn and nausea visited me. I had to suppress the vomit that was travelling fast from inside my stomach.
As if the driver read my mind, he turned to the left avoiding the Agbole Akute route for the Ishashi route to Berger. This route is totally damaged with potholes and ‘man-holes’ but it is a blessing in disguise as the route is always free while the other route is always at a logjam due to morning rush.
Not minding the potholes, the driver rammed into a big hole wide enough to accommodate mama put’s locally made iron soup pot, this caused uncontrollable body shake as if all the passengers were doing the third video for Davido’s Sekelewu song.
Out of anger directed to no one in particular, a semi-literate old man of about seventy years of age bursted out in rage and started ranting “Nigeria government don’t have fear of God and respect for citizens”.
He was seated on the middle seat. Eyes turned from his front and the ones behind him paid more attention as he went a notch higher in his rant.
“Citizens are suffering and government can’t even give out two million naira each out of the money they are embezzling”. Everyone in the bus started laughing uncontrollably as if laughing gas was sprayed in the vehicle. We momentarily forgot the waist breaking, pothole filled trip as we got into rib breaking fits of laughter.