Bus Tales 30 – @nykelodeon

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Episode 29 here

yellow_bus_lagos.jpgAsides the annoying wait at the ever smelly Oshodi garage to board a bus, one had to contend with the economically disempowered and functionally derelict public ‘Danfo’ buses.

It was a Mitsubishi one, unlike the common ‘vanagon’, volkswagen vans actually. It had very little space. The fishes in sardine tins would definitely be in splendor if we are to do a comparative analysis(straight face).

It was 6.00am and from all indications, it was clear the driver or conductor or street urchins or mad man or whoever it was had done all sorts in the bus the previous night because asides the lucrid smell, the passenger sitting next to the window had to kick out a used condom. Imagine that! Mitchew

Trust Lagos conductors, the guy’s body odour would wake a dead man!(roll both eyes). Add that to his unwashed mouth already spiced with ‘ogogoro’and imagine the stench coming out of his mouth for the passengers to contend with.

Cockroaches were also competing for the little space with passengers and all protests were seemingly ignored. We of course could have spared ourselves the agony and stress by getting off the bus but in Lagos, that would be suicidal as most of us risked lateness to work.

Traffic was already building and the next available bus was worse than the one we were in. Without a better alternative, most of us settled our sorry asses down.

The vehicle was full in no time but the driver was stalling. “Oga, move this motor na”, cried a passenger. “Na here you wan sleep ni”, screamed another pissed passenger. Trust Lagos commercial vehicle operators, both driver and conductor just ‘fashy’ our side. Instead, they were conversing between themselves.

“Kamoli, sare fun mi ni kini yen”, said the driver. The ‘kini’ happened to be a half filled bottle of dry gin, the other half had obviously been downed by the conductor. I thought the driver was kidding but my people, lo and behold, he downed the whole bottle, spat, and gunned the engine! The reluctant bus answered in a vroom vroooom cough after slight pushing.

A woman seated on the row directly behind the driver was surprised that she voiced out in Yoruba “Ahhhh! Laaro kutukutu! Driver ti wa ni oju eje!!!” (The driver I’d getting high so early in the day).

The unrest in the bus was apparent, fear coupled with the “poo-poo” welling inside me made me scream as the ‘gingered’ driver carelessly reversed out of the park.

After swatting away a mosquito, I felt a tingling sensation in my nether regions…Ants!!! They had attacked me in the worse possible way, striking in the one place I could not freely itch inside the bus.

As we stopped at a traffic light, I could hold it any longer… I screamed and scratched!


Thanks for visiting this blog, I hope you picked one thing ore the other positive here? Please some changes will be happening here soon. Dabira a new series will be starting next week, Live n Choices will soon resume and also Face me,I slap you also will soon kick off from where it stopped. Watch out for more poems this year also.

Isaacola AA
@newnaija and @TT007newnaija


10 thoughts on “Bus Tales 30 – @nykelodeon

  1. The image of the bus above…..na helele…..then this in a bus? how did he survive?……can’t stop laughing.


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