“Exes are like herpes, they don’t really go away” – Sally Kenneth Dadzie
Do you have an ex?
Do I have one?
The answer is more obvious but can’t be tossed away. You and I have, at one time or the other, been involved with another person one way or another. We all have ex-friend, ex-co worker, ex-lover, ex-room mate etc. But I will be zeroing on the ex girlfriend or ex boyfriend.
Like the quote above culled from one of Sally’s series, exes like herpes, don’t really go away and can’t be wished away no matter how hard we try to. They sometimes stick closer than our brothers and sisters.
Exes that we’ve shared intimate moments together, especially the ones that we’ve been eroticically involved with, have a way of switching on the floodgates of emotion we have tried or are trying to shut off.
Like one of our local pallance will say “once debe, always debe debe”- meaning once we’ve “offed” our garments and crossed the line to the holy of holies, its almost impossible to see each other without a flicker of emotion storming our hearts either a negative or a positive one.
My grouse is with the exes that do not want to remain an ex; they are hell bent on being a part of and dictating your present. I remember a lady who was supposed to be an ex but still had the guts to call the guy, that was married already, and asked him for sex while she was also married! Absurd and ridiculous as it may sound, these things are what drive some homely lovey husbands or wives to the arms of an ex.
The exes can so much be a pain in the ass to the extent of timing you to pick out vibrations from you to enter through a crevice or small disagreement at home! Beware friends, it is not worth it, opening your door to an ex!
How do I deal with an ex?
# Never open up your challenges in the home front to an ex.
# As much as possible, avoid calling or picking calls from an ex, especially in an ungodly hour.
# Build up on your relationship with your present and future and forget the past.
# Focus more on yourself and your happiness if you are still single or more on the strong point of your present partner, not taking journey down the memory lane to enjoy your past since no one can drive forward by looking mainly at the back (past).
# Please add your comment on how you were able to deal with your ex especially the nasty and poke nosing type who wants to be relevant in your now!
PS
Special thanks to @Moskedapages and @emini_ANOTI.
Isaacola AA
@newnaija
Newnaija's Place 
Though is not easy @ times to forget your past or ex especially if you ve a good or sweet past bt like we say is past so is better to live ur past where it is and face ur present so dat one would nt end losing the future.
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Yes boss, so true. You can’t drive forward into the future by looking at the back (past).
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I love this piece,it’s very helpful.
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I am happy you love it. Thanks for stopping bye
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You are right, also one has to be firm with those set of people maintaining a strong stance and letting he/she know that all those things we once shared is in the past and can never be explored again.
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Yes boss, we need to get to the point of drawing a line between the past and the present or else we jeopardise our future. Thanks for reading.
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NICE WRITE UP. AS A MATTER OF FACT ONE DONT NEED TO GO BACK TO HIS OR HER VOMITTE.BUT DAT DOESNT STOP YOU FROM CASUAL INTERACTION WIT UR EX.
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Like someone commented earlier, the line is blur where to draw the line but its always advice able to distance once self from an ex that knows how to press our “mumu” button.
Thanks boss
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This is such an interesting and valuable piece.I know someone going thru dis and I will send dis link 2 ha ASAP. Thanks Isaacola!
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You are welcome boss.
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This is one piece that addresses one issue that is recurring. I’ve been down that road too. Took me about three years to get an ex off my case. Another that was married even wanted to use me to get back at her husband. Told her I won’t ever do that, and I mean it. Had to make sure I didn’t answer their calls or made my girlfriend answer (thank God she understood things).
The heart wanted to associate again but the head put the heart in its place and I avoided having controversies around me.
I see a recharged Newnaija, welcome back boss 🙂
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My oga, thanks aplenty.
We just need to be careful. Some ex knows where your “mumu” button and bent on using the knowledge to their advantage.
Thanks my oga once again
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Some exes are like our reflection always there when we looked back to the past instead of the present…when ones she/he cross that line always put your emotions away,there is a reason she/he became an ex
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There is a reason the person is an ex and since the issue was big enough to make you guys an ex on each other, the ex should remain an ex not to extinguish our present and future
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Hmmm, the line between distancing your ex and being causal friends is quite blurred. It’s more gray than black or white. However, in order to guard our hearts and our present and future, the responsibility falls on us, not our friends or folks, to find that thin, barely visible line of demarcation and stay away from it. There is a reason they are called exes, after-all. My own weapon of defense against such is to totally cut off from them. If I cross one on the road or at a gathering, i am quite courteous, however, I do not allow for any sort of over familiarity. The Bible does tell us that he who breaks the hedge, a serpent would bite.
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Thanks boss. We don’t give them leeway into our life to secure our present and futureX, Y thingz. http://wp.me/p333v9-kA. Kindly read and comment.
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Interesting article. We never really get over the past, it forms the basis for judging our present, whether better or otherwise.
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It form the basis of our judgement but it should not become a negative influence on our present
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Nice post. Takes a whole lot of commitment to handle someone that knows how to press your buttons especially when the person sets out to do just that. Head has to rule heart here, consciously forgetting the things that are behind and like your post said, limiting interactions that create an emotional atmosphere for those bonds to resurrect.
It is always easier to manage exes where there was no intimacy though, the exes just move into the friendship folder more often than not and even they have to remain in the past. In all, I believe avoiding intimacy until marriage makes the process of managing exes easier. There will be hurt but it is an easier healing process than otherwise and the bonds are not as binding as sexual soul ties.
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So true Eloxie, it is easier managing an ex when there is no sexual intimacy I can testify to that.
The best is to avoid sex before the I do thing. As for the ones with sexual contact, avoidance and not staying in or creating an environment that is conducive to germination of old emotions.
Thanks for your comment my sister.
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Lol! and he had to put my name there.
This is a good reminder to those who keep their exes close by. i don’t see need for that. Not fighting with any of my exes but there’s just no room for them in my present and future.
Thanks, Isaac
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Yes, exes. You hear that? No room for y’all in our lives, present or future. Em, Sally, that our engagement is still on track, yes? 🙂
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Thanks again Walter, ex close bye is leaving fire on the rooftop and going to sleep. Am sure the sleep will be fitful
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Thanks my oga, keeping ex close bye is an excuse to fall into things not desired.
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Ah! Exes. all the memories that come from such moments past can be a powerful thing to overcome, especially if you’re in a vulnerable position in your present life. Exes are a dangerous thing if you have moved on, but a welcome development if they are meant to be the one all along.
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Thanks Walter.
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True. The only way to keep an ex an ex is to severe all soul ties with such an individual. Let them know that the past is the past and it’s over. Don’t even be within their vicinity and they shouldn’t have your contact details. Change,if you can.
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Yes o, you are right boss
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Interesting piece. I’ll say this kind of behaviour has everything to do with “soul ties” which must be dealt with especially after emotional involvement. Highly recommended follow on twitter @solaadio for a very deep revelation of breaking soul ties. More grace to you.
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Thanks boss
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…not the easiest thing in the world but the best way out of it is simple…Ex your Ex….
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Yes o boss, to ex our ex
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Ododo oro (true talk) but I have to add many men and ladies also are to blame for sending their spouse back to their EX, once one attitude, character, dressing, care etc is below what he or she has experience with the EX, no jubiter can stop that person not to remember the past (good) times he or she has spend with the EX and such emotion start to develop. My advice is learn from your man or woman what their ex does before you in. And if you are lacking in one of those good virtues work on it. But not crossing the holy of holies
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Thanks boss
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